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Hide and seek

When friends decide to play a game of hide and seek. I want to believe it is fun when all parties are in agreement…what if all parties are not in agreement, then what?

It began at the very beginning, creation, perfect man and woman in a perfect world. Then the lie was planted and the fruit was eaten and oh oh! We are naked and they went into hiding when they heard the Lord walking in the garden. Where are you? He asked his beloved creation and they said we were hiding because we realized we were naked…..that came the end of that world.

We too today are like this man and woman we are always hiding when we fail the mark. The problem with hiding is that we walk away on our own, we turn our back towards him. We too realize we are naked, we will be found out by our sin, so we let the feelings of guilt and shame keep us at bay and instead of walking toward the one who washes away our sin we stay away believing He is mad at us. And when we are hiding we keep falling deeper and deeper into this hole of sin, going through the circle of shame, guilt, acting out, shame, guilt and acting out. Until we come into our senses.

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Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 best describe the position of God in the father. The prodigal son demanded his share of inheritance and squandered it all, then he fell into desperation to the point he longed to eat what the pigs ate. But when he was in that low position..what I imagine today is called between a rock and hard…he came to his senses and wondered at how much food his father’s servant had even to spare, and he purposed to go back to his father and ask for forgiveness.

The story says the father spotted him while we was at distance and ran to him. Many of us keep away from God because we assume he is sitting up on his throne with this huge frown and a rod ready to squash us. But in this story we see the truth of God’s position towards us his wayward children…he is on the road waiting, watching, trying to catch a glimpse of us and when he does he runs to us. Can you imagine the Lord most high running towards you in love and embracing you? Can you imagine God singing over you? Consider the verse below…

The Lord your God in your midst, the mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

The son even after admitting his sin and quitting his position of sonship we see the loving Father asking that he be put on a robe (this symbolizing righteousness) put on him a ring (reinstatiting his identity of a son) and put sandals on his feet (change of status from poor, slave to provided and position of authority).

Why, therefore do we keep hiding when God longs for us to come back to him?

  • Could it because we have not known him, we think he will treat us as we treat ourselves?
  • Could it because we do not know compassion and grace and love, we think his love is as conditional as ours?
  • Could it because we believe like this prodigal son we are no longer worthy to be called his son, we only worthy to be treated as servants?

Holy Spirit teach me to know who God is and who I am in him. Today may the truth of his love overcome my fears and lies, may I know I am forgiven, clothed in righteousness, have the identity of sonship and my status is no longer of a servant but of a member of his family. May I recognize the truth of how joyful it is in heaven when I as a sinner repent and come home to a loving father. In Jesus name I pray  and receive his forgiveness.

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Thought stopping

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Long time ago, a king of a far far away land commanded the soldiers to keep this stone in position all day. The command simply being “not to let the stone down the hill” because it had previously destroyed the village that was build at the bottom of the hill. As the kingdom thrived and generation came and went the lesson of the stone’s history was forgotten. 

The now soldiers thought this was a boring assignment one day this soldier decided to be adventurous and play with his assignment. He rolled the stone and caught it before it built momentum and restored in its place. This continued as he kept pushing the limits as his confidence grew. He loved his job now the thrill of running after the stone was all he looked forward to; his enthusiasm of stone guarding caught the eye of his captain who assigned him guarding it as his permanent posting. 

The chase continued and this day he caught the stone mid-hill what he noted was that as the stone moved further downward the hill the momentum was faster and he exerted more energy both to catch it and move it up the hill to its original position. He decided to occupy himself otherwise because he saw the danger ahead. He began comprehending the damage the stone would cause to the village should the stone roll all the way down. 

Several month the mundane of his job got to him and he tried rolling the stone again and catch it, unfortunately his body was not fit as it used to be; so he ran after the stone and he almost grasped it but slipped his hand and the next thing he heard were screams and collapsing houses and the crop flattened. It had destroyed everything in its path.

The best position is always to leave the stone in its original place; but if you as this has already moved the stone. Then this is for you.

Addictions in many ways are like this stone, and individuals as like this soldier. In many cases, for fun or whatever reason one begins watching porn-which in itself is exciting and thrilling. Then the game continues from often to frequent and sometimes to daily indulgence. Once in a while a person glimpses the danger of their habit and stops for a while but often comes back to porn. This continues until one day the individual realizes they cannot stop the habit, they cannot catch the stone and by now the impact of their ‘game’ has become catastrophic.

Thought stopping is a technique that is aimed at stopping behavior by controlling it at the thought process. It helps if you can stop one thought by switching to another. Every action we do starts with a thought- eating, going to work, saying hello, all these starts with a thought. For every person watching porn, their habit on every instance start with a thought. 

Before I watched porn, I often wrestled with the thoughts for days and by the third day the deal was signed, it was like stopping the stone and the bottom of the hill; by then no will power would stop me. I had been preoccupied that all I thought of.

As I began getting healed I realized that every time I stopped the thought as soon as it began nothing was going to take place. There is power in thought stopping or as the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10 –  5. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” NIV 

Today I want to challenge you whether its in the area of forgiveness, addiction, anger, when that thing you are trying to stop comes into your live then stop at the very beginning at the thought. These therefore I what you should think about…..

Philippians 4 – 8. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. – NIV

If you need help in learning more about thought stopping write to us; we would love to speak to you more on it. 

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The Scale

measurement-millimeter-centimeter-meter-162500.jpegRecently, I have found myself asking people this question. On a scale of 0-10 where 0 is don’t want and 10 is want to stop the addiction where are you?

Sex addiction progresses on due to pleasure that comes with it. Pleasure is the benefit that keeps individuals in this web the result being that an individual has a war ranging in them between pleasure and consequences.

As one is in addiction initially, the benefit from sexual pleasure more often than not outweighs the consequences that comes with their sexual choices. As a result a person will go to great extent seeking pleasure at all cost throwing caution to the wind; it all about gratification.

The next step in the scale is where by an individual hits the 50:50 they still enjoy the pleasure but now they are more aware of the consequences. The now understand their sexual choices they make are not all pleasurable. In my view this is the most dangerous stages because the scale can tilt any side. In this stage an individuals life is marked by doubts and questions, justification, pros and cons. Is it right? Is it beneficial? What if I am found out?

If the scale goes back to pleasure then a line that had never been closed is now closed. The addiction becomes even worse than before however if the feel of consequences outweighs the pleasure an individual start seeking help.

He or she will most likely seek help online but anonymously. Some with success and others without. For  those not able to quit, the frustration and desperation kicks in. They have nothing to loose anymore they want out and will ask for help from others. They no longer care what someone will think of them,they want to rid the addiction secret at all cost.

On a scale of 0-10 where 0 is I don’t want and 10 is I want to stop the addiction where are you?

 

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The Launch

B0E87705-6E75-4F3E-A9D0-75DBBE32D308Wednesday the 4th of July is the date of the launch from 5.45-8.00 pm at Desmond Tutu Conference Centre- Waiyaki Way

This is an incredible two in one event where the launch of this organization and a book that is instrumental to this ministry will be launched.

  • The book love unlimited: set free by a greater love: Ruth’s autobiography of being set free from porn addiction will be available on sale for 1,000/=
  • A Second Chance Consults will be sharing their work of helping people get out sex addiction. 
  • Do you want to be involved? Good! We will be looking forward to find partners, volunteers and donors 

Visit Programs and Get Involved to familiarize yourself with our work and plan ahead how you would want to be involved or partner with us.

We are honored if you would honor us with your presence. It is an open invitation;  R.S.V.P via Contact for planning purposes

 

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Forgiveness and porn addiction

I have often heard people ask me “What is the use, I already know that I am going to watch porn, why try to stop” being there; I remember what it feels to despair…when you already know and I say this with due all respect that not even God can stop me. When there is this resilience and one mindedness a devotion to self destruct and watch porn.

At time you are not even trying to stop… In my life, I used to call these periods “free fall” this would sometimes go on for hours leading to days of porn binging. Until you cannot watch anymore because you are done, you are literally throwing up and are disgusted with yourself.

But because you can’t die or flash yourself in the toilet; the only thing to do: walk down the memory lane of how you got to that point. You start remembering the avenues that you should have taken, they were there and are always there. You know that you disobeyed, you let yourself down again, because you had promised to never do it again.

Knowing you have no one to blame but yourself….what then?

How do I feel right again you ask?

Self hatred, denial, doing good, praying or forgiveness.

There was no one to blame…all I needed was my phone and the internet; and I was good to go bulldozing anyone who tried to stop me. When I was done, only then would I ask the most stupid yet legitimate question: how did I fall? Then I would recount the people I bulldozed to get my way, and God was at the very top of the list. How then could I forgive myself? ….from Ruth Njagi book “Love Unlimited: Set free by a greater love Pg 45 her autobiography of being set free from porn addiction

The Bible talks much about forgiveness and love. God loves for us and how we are to love others. I came to realize that God forgiveness is there but we fail to receive it as long as we are not able to forgive and let go of this guilt and the weight of sin we carry on our shoulders.

Peter asked Jesus how many time we ought to forgive those who sin against us and Jesus responded seventy times seven time Matthew 18:21-22. If that is what is expected of us towards others then we ought to even forgive ourselves more, why? Love others as you love yourself. Matthew 22:39.

Friends it is simple, love and forgiveness goes hand in hand. Christ loved/s us and forgave/gives our sins then and now, this is accomplished by his abounding love for mankind to the point of death.

Today, I pray that although you be in addiction; the Lord reveals how much he loves and already has forgiven you if you are in him. I pray that you will love yourself so that you can forgive yourself for hurting yourself even as you forgive those that have hurt you. I pray God’s love through Christ Jesus may abound in you now and forever. Amen

Note.

You can find Ruth book here

 

 

 

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I will never do it again

At the cross all burdens are lifted, you walk away knowing He conquered it all. ‘Go and sin no more, your sins are forgiven’ the loving Savior whispers

You go on free to love and serve. End of story……..

In deed it is the end of the story but because we are humans and dust we forget, and go back to the cross saying this very words ‘I will never do it again’ ironically you mean it, truly you have no intention of ever doing whatever that is again, you are broken, defeated, at your end.

The cycle continues, then doubt, fear, hatred creeps in. I am really forgiven? I am a Christian? Does God love me? I am unworthy and the lies wrap themselves around your heart and mind. Soon you stop fighting you indulge without remorse after all I am unworthy.

Deep and deeper you find yourself, lost trying to fathom how far in you are; you want to get out of this hole. You long, you yearn. Desperation, despair so lost in your thoughts. You do not see or hear Him walking towards you calling your name. Reassuring you.

“I will never do it again” (Look back at all those times you have said that)

He came because he knows you cannot do it on your strength despite your best intention “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 5:20

God knows you will do it and loves you, don’t get me wrong…..He loves you the sinner but hate the sin that you do. You are more than an addict, acoholic, thief, womanizer…..that is not your label……your name is Child of the most high God through Christ Jesus, you are a son a loved one for that matter.

Lord Jesus, open my eye to see how much you love me, that I am not the sin but a sinner, help me stop viewing myself as the sin but as a son in your kingdom. In your name Lord Jesus I pray.

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Past Wounds

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‘They say an elephant never forget’ illustrated is a picture of a baby elephant with tiny wound. This elephant despite it thick, rough skin somehow got wounded.- “ all creation is in groaning due to the sin of the world and as a result; both man and beast often experiences the wrath of this broken world.

Living in a broken world means we have had an experience of its brokenness. Each one of us i believe in their cause of life had been hurt and have also inflicted hurt on others. These hurts may include things done to us or not done, things said to us or not said.

The hurts whatever they were or are form part of our history and also affect our formation be it in negatively or positively.

My past wounds entailed being sexually abused and abandoned as a child. These were later to form my choices to the negative in how i valued myself and in later choosing pornography as a way of coping with life- Ruth Njagi

Sometimes its hard to connect your current struggles with wounds from your past- sometimes they play shape your world today. How you view yourself and the habits that you practice.

I would encourage you to start the process of healing on your past wounds, all those hurts and feeling of abandonment. You don’t have to carry them any more.

If you need help write to us and we will help facilitate the process.

 

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Basic steps to recovery from addiction

Although God uses various methods to heal people in addiction. In the course of our work we have noted some steps that we would consider basic.

1) Admitting to self that you have a problem.

2) Knowing that you need help from someone else besides yourself.

3) Finding someone to share your addiction.

4)  Being vulnerable to this person.

5)  Allowing God to heal you, this may include past wounds such as abuse and abandonment. Note: for this allow you to feel the pain that comes with the healing precess. It okay just know you have great resources within you.

6) Learning what is true and what is a lie. Past wounds often bring about beliefs in us that are based on lies. It is crucial for the recovery process to know what the lie is and what the truth is. Here at  A Second Chance Consults our truths are based in God’s word the Bible.

7) Adapting truth based beliefs and behavior thereof.

8) Deliberately, choosing a different path- that is. Walking in obedience

9) Rising even after falling- never ever give up. Keep rising